When is entitlement healthy?

The concept of entitlement is usually associated with negative behaviour - narcissism, self-centredness and having an attitude that demands ‘my rights.’

A healthy entitlement is knowing that you can have appropriate needs and wants, even if you might not get them. We all deserve to be treated with respect; to be told the truth rather than lied to; to feel supported emotionally and practically by family, friends and colleagues. Whether you actually get what you want is a separate issue, but it's okay to want it.

"Do unto others as you would have them do unto you" (Luke 6:31) is a well-known Bible verse and often referred to as the Golden Rule. The life principle it speaks of is to treat people with the same respect, kindness, understanding and compassion that you want from them.

As newborns, we depend on caregivers for essential physical needs and emotional connection to survive—this is a healthy entitlement. As we age, our sense of entitlement is shaped by our cultural conditioning, beliefs, and prejudices about how we want our lives to be. Feeling entitled becomes a learned attitude of expectations that are not always appropriate.

Healthy entitlement supports your self-esteem. Unhealthy entitlement supports your self-importance

Robyn Krugman (Be Seen Therapy) writes,” Self-esteem is not built through positive thinking or achievement… you build self-esteem naturally by creating experiences where you can be yourself without performing or earning approval. This means practicing self-compassion instead of self-criticism, setting boundaries, acting imperfectly, and trusting your own truth.

Over time, these experiences teach your nervous system that you are safe and worthy as you are.”

Self-importance in psychology refers to an inflated sense of one’s own importance, abilities, or achievements. Building self-confidence is a positive trait, and some of it comes from feeling important; we all need to know we matter. But when our sense of importance is derived from devaluing others' importance, we are displaying unhealthy entitlement behaviour.

How we view entitlement will impact our relationships with others: family, romantic partners, friends, the work environment, and the community.

Are we entitled to be, do and have all we want?

What is acceptable entitlement will always be debated, but we can always have a healthy sense of what we deserve: respect, kindness, understanding and compassion - for ourselves and for others. Trish