What does it mean to converse in a conversation?

Photo credit: Mike Jones

The "talk less, converse more" principle allows us to engage with others.

Talking is often a one-way dialogue. In contrast, conversing is a two-way interaction that creates a connection in a conversation.

A conversation does not always require spoken words; it can also occur without interacting with another person. I’ve recently had a meaningful conversation with my grandbaby, my cat, and a friendly fantail on my walk. What I experienced was an exchange of a mutually positive connection.

I was reminded of the significance of a two-way connection while watching “The Penguin Lessons.” Juan Salvador (the penguin’s given name ) becomes regarded as a Counsellor or confidant for many characters in the film. The story is adapted from the memoir by Tom Michell, who writes about his penguin friend, “Juan Salvador was such a good listener, patiently absorbing everything that was said to him, from observations about the weather to secrets of the heart. He never once interrupted…he always paid such close attention to what was said…”

Effective conversation involves active listening. It requires us to be fully present, allowing us to respond thoughtfully rather than reactively. A ‘meaningful conversation’ is about connecting with others on a deeper, personal level. We achieve this by ‘intentional’ listening and asking open and curious questions. For example, rather than asking our children if they had a good day at school, we invited them to share a high and a low of their day at the dinner table. 

In a previous article, I explored how we can gain a deeper understanding of a person by understanding their point of view - the perspective from which they view any given situation. When someone’s perspective differs from ours, we can argue against their opinions or consciously listen to learn why they hold the views they do. The outcome may be that you agree to disagree, but both of you feel heard.

Knowing how to navigate difficult conversations in relationships is a topic for another article. Sometimes, uncomfortable interactions will require an exit strategy. 

Learning how to converse well is a skill we can all improve on.

A conversation is a connection that is more than an exchange of words.

“I've learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel.” Maya Angelou

Trish