Navigating Difficult Conversations

Beginning a conversation with “We need to talk” may achieve the desired outcome in a movie script. However, using this opening line of dialogue in real life will likely create a volley of defensive and confrontational reactions.

Whether personal or professional, we often avoid having difficult conversations because we feel uncomfortable when strong emotions such as anger, resentment, jealousy, or sadness are expressed. The dialogue may degenerate into a war of who is right, or a denial of the real reason an issue has arisen, and there is no certainty of a workable outcome for either party.

A conversation is a conscious connection with yourself, as much as with the other person. When addressing a concern, have a clear idea of what you want to discuss and how you want to present yourself. Jefferson Fisher (author) recommends utilising the conversational breath technique - short inhale, long exhale -  to stay empowered and maintain control of emotions and stress responses if conflict escalates.

Marshall Rosenberg's practice of nonviolent communication (NVC) invites honesty and clarity into conversation.

1) OBSERVATION: Explain the issue using ‘I’ statements, e.g., “When I hear/see…”

2) FEELING: Describe any emotional response, e.g. “I felt frustrated when…”

3) NEED: Connect the feelings with values and desires that are not being met. e.g. “Clear communication is important to me.”

4) REQUEST: Make an actionable and positive request of the other person. e.g. “I’d appreciate it if you…”

When responding to confrontational dialogue directed at you, these NVC sentence starters can be used, flipside: “When you see/hear…you feel…because you need/value… would it be helpful if I…

A difficult conversation may not yield a satisfactory outcome, but it can deepen our understanding of a situation and help address misunderstandings or assumptions held by either person. ​​

Without clear communication, people tend to draw their conclusions. When we recognise that something said or done was misperceived, there is an opportunity to rectify the mistake.

If the goal is not to ‘win’ the conversation, but to create a space for honest and productive dialogue, we promote personal and professional growth for ourselves and others. Accepting the discomfort of difficult conversations can foster stronger relationships and lead to positive change in our lives. Trish